So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
