hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
