I'm pants shitting drunk right now
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
