I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
