This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
