just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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