I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
