I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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