I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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