I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
