Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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