someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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