Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
