YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
As shirtless as possible
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
