New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
