One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He passed out mid-signature
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize