Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
