never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize