Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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