if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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