My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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