I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
