do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
