i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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