Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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