don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
