I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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