just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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