just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
