Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
This is classic penis vs brain.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
