just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
