I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize