She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
