Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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