Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
