If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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