Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
