guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
