I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My penis needs a shock collar
i think my cat just said my name.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
