You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
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