dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
