dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
