i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
