So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
