Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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