We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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