some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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