there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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