Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
