why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
