We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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