Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
