Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
