I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
