This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
