She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
