I hate your face
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize