just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
