his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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