so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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