I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
