Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
