guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
