i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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