We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
