I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
