i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
