and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
